Baptism.
DATE: Monday, 3/1/21 TIME: 4:21pm
There was a specific thing I needed today—March 1st, the first day of my birthday month. I am only 20 days from my 45th year and, as someone affirmed for me today, I have been on a journey of coming home to myself.
My Age Five Self—who wrote and illustrated a book + insisted it should be in our school library. Storyteller in love with the written word and wanting to share.
My Age Seven Self—who directed, produced, starred in, and toured a play. Ambitious mind with the ability to see a “thing” in my head and make it real.
My Age Twelve Self—who was a founding member of our community theatre group. Lover of the arts and process and supporting other creatives.
My Age Sixteen Self—who walked my first runway to Chubb Rock’s “Treat ‘Em Right” for a local designer in my hometown. A body that moved with joy and without perpetual scrutiny.
My Age Eighteen Self—who had her first byline in the hometown paper. Curiously thoughtful lover of research, connecting dots, documenting stories, and advocating for the underdogs.
My Age Twenty Self—who hosted a national TV show for two seasons. A voice that refused to be silent with eyes/ears wanting to learn as much as possible—to understand how every piece of the puzzle fit together.
And for the 25 years since: all the other versions of my Self who knew—with such certainty—exactly what lit me up inside. Bouts of depression or anxiety triggered feelings of Not Self, but part of this healing is unapologetically seeking what brings me joy and liberation even while in the midst of mending parts of my Self.
So this morning, I knew exactly how to start the day and begin writing a new chapter:
Immerse my Self in the sea.
I wanted a proverbial baptism. A cleansing. An initiation into this new version of my Self, approaching its 45th year.
I stood waist deep in lulling waves, simultaneously hypnotized and documenting that morning moment.
And then the Universe giggled and slapped me in the face with seawater.
Day one of my birthday month, I got exactly what I wanted in the baptism of coming home to my Self—delivered with even greater abundance than I had requested.
Well played. 😄
GRATITUDE:
I’m grateful for my creativity.
I’m grateful for April Reign.
I’m grateful for my home.
MANIFESTATION:
I’m over the moon in love with you. The man of my dreams. The person who adores me so much that I never have to wonder or question. I love the fun we have, the adventures we go on together. I love to love you and I’m so grateful for you.